Backstory

I have always rushed into relationships for one reason or the another. The good and the horrible ones. I always just feel like I need love and some what attention from people to make me feel like I’m normal and like I’m not really crazy that all of this is inside my head. And a little so I can be I guess proud of the fact that I can hide my mental illness and they didn’t see it.

But in many ways that has ruined a lot of my best relationships. And made a lot of hurt feelings and broken hearts. And has burned bridges that can never be fixed again. I am not just taking like relationships but only on the lines of friends.

Its stressful sometimes knowing you caused this. And knowing you ruined everything. And you promise yourself that it won’t happen again and you are going to fix this and yourself. And then it never happens because you realize you don’t care enough to do it. Not even for yourself.

It is really hard to fix a problem when the biggest part of it is who you are. And how you grew up and what you experienced.

I am trying to control my negative thinking. And trying to get some kind of control over my demons and trying to conquer them. And it is such a simple idea that is also impossible to achieve. It make take me the rest of my life to figure this out and to get better. And I don’t know how that is but I have to try somehow.

Just remember to breath

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