Today was a really hard day with my bulimia. I had some really upsetting things happen and it triggered it. And I are 3 burgers, 2 large fries, large soda, and like 4 apple pies. I didn’t even try to stop that binge, I just let it happen. And when I purged, it was the most releasing thing I did in a long time. And then I felt so guilty after it. I wanted to do it again. And I did. Only this time at home and I made fries, potstickers, pickles, ravioli, chips and some chocolate chips. And I threw it all up in a matter of minutes.
I hate being stuck in a never ending cycle of hate and destruction. And I try so hard to break it. I want to break it.
But I also don’t want to be in a mental ward again. It just so hard tho to do this in the real world with so many triggers around me.