Hard Choices

As I remember things that happened in the past. I’m started to realize how much I forgot and why I did it. I’m just so scared of what I might learn. 

And I’m also on the crossroad of whether or not I want to transition into being a female. Or if I want to stay male. It is not a easy choice. One way I’ll have to deal with society and how they view transgender. And the other I have to deal with never feeling comfortable about who I am.  It a very hard choice to make. 

And I know all of my friends will support thru whatever choice I make. They know I will be the same person, just look different.  Just don’t know if I’m really ready to make this choice yet. And I wanna know if I could live with myself with whatever choice I make. 

I got to take to my friend and family and get their options on it.   

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My one fear. 

I knew this day would happen. I mean it would have to for me to get fully better. But I also fear it. 
My therapist wants to me to start facing those memories that I have buried down deep in my mind. And I now I’m standing in the crossroads.

One path is me getting completely better and the other is me kinda getting better but never really be there. This coping method has been the only thing keeping me alive for so many years . And helping me make thru some very rough times. I’m scared of letting that go. And yeah I’m stuck. 

New hope 

I finally found the happiness I needed in my life. I found it by weeding out the negative people in my life and replacing them with positive people and people that will support me. And I started going to therapy and doing meeting for my addictions. And I’m also working on my relationships with my mom and dad. My dad will not accept me as me but my mom is trying to accept and learn about my life.  I confessed everything to her. 
That was the hardest I ever did. But that proved me how much she loves me. And how she cares for me.  I was so wrong about her for so long. And her saying she was sorry was the greatest thing I ever heard. 
I feel happy again. I feel like I’m becoming whole again. Like there isn’t two of me anymore. And I want just want to say thank you to everyone. 

The hard choices 

An kind of friend called me today and I just ignored the call. It was the only choice I really had. I mean I feel bad about it. I just can’t talk to her anymore like I used to. 

I feel like we are just are two different paths in our lives. And there is a wide mile between us. And I don’t really want to reconnect with her. I forgive her for the choice she did for her relationship. And I don’t know if we can ever be friends like we were. 

I just want to get back like that to just be hurt and let down again. And feel left behind. And disappointed. 

I need a night to think about what I want to do.  

Top 5 things to not say to someone who is depressed 

1. Just get over it

  The reason you shouldn’t say that is because it way more then just choosing to be sad. It is an imbalance in our brains. If we could stop it, we would. 

2. You are being ungrateful 

  The reason why this should neve be said is because we understand we have good things in our lives, we just don’t see them right away. And it also makes us feel worse.

3. You just need to pray more or have more faith in God

  The reason is that we are praying and we are looking for the answers just like everyone else. We just have to seek out stuff on our own sometimes. 

4. In just all in your head.

 The reason is tat we know this already . We know it’s in our brains and we know that is a chemical thing but hearing someone else say in a mean way hurts because we want it to stop.

5. Your are just being lazy.

 The reason you shouldn’t say this because we are not being lazy. Depression effects everything including our energy levels and how and what we focus on that day. We are not being lazy.