Bad day

When you are having a bad day and the depression threatens to engulf you. And hits you like running head first into a brick wall. I hate having bad days because it makes me feel more like a failure and then I spiral downward more. 

And then I get angry with everyone one else because I’m so frustrated on the inside. I lose my temper easily. I get sad and wanna cry. I lose all my energy to function.  My mind just shuts down and I can’t think. And then I started debating on whether all this work is doing me any good at all. Or if I’m just finding a new way to hide. 
I feel like screaming and crying. But I’m also scared to lose that control over my emotions since I have no control over my mind right now. I just wanna break something and just let everything that has ever hurt me go. 
This is not where I wanna be today. I was hoping I would never be like this again. 


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