I understand now the strength you had to do what you did. I can only image the thoughts that were running thru your head. The fear inside you that was knotting your stomach. The sound of your pounding heart. The rush of adrenaline going thru your system. But none of that stopped you from jumping.
I was angry at first with all the lies I found out. Now I see, you did to protect yourself from a world you couldn’t control. Inside your head things weren’t ok but you just keep the smile on. You just kept marching on like you were never hurt. Never in pain. You acted like you were alright and always had a smile on your face. That is what I will remember the most. Your smile.
I know you always struggled the most with your addiction. And your eating disorders. But you always fought with everything. But you made sure that was a private fight. You hated letting people in that was your biggest weakness. I wish you could of let us in. Shared with us about your struggle. Had bad it has gotten. I know you missed your parents even tho you acted like it did not bug you. I know losing your brother was a rough thing on you. But you had all of us to help. And you didn’t want it.
You always had a way to make us laugh when we down on our luck. You always were the smart one. Always had the answers. Knew all the right questions to ask. Learned how to take of other people before you took of yourself. Maybe that is why you did it. You didn’t have any more energy to take care of yourself..
You always taking care of someone or something. You were busy solving problems that had no answers. But always made up one. I loved you like a sister. You were my closet friend. And my oldest friend. We knew each other since we were 5.
I apologize for the mean words that I can never take back. And sorry for all the fights we got into. Sorry for all the time we lost. I also should apologize for stealing your last candy bar. That was a fun night.
I will always remember the fun times. The bad times. And everything in between. In my darkest time, I always knew you were there. Sometimes my only beacon. My little lighthouse of safety.
I just wanted to say thank you too. You were always there. Even lied to your boyfriend to talk to me. You were always a truly great person. And I wish I had more time to spend with. I wish you could see where I am now. And all the things I am doing with my life.
I will always love you. Your my angel and I know you will always be watching over me. And maybe one day we will might again.