To him

I have realized how cut off I am. I have no phone. I can’t vent like I would like to. I am just tired.

Tired of everything. Realized that my last post was pointless. He won’t read it. He won’t care. But I needed to let it out and let it go.

I had to let go and learn to breathe. I need to find my own peace. My hope. My real reason to live. My purpose to be here on this planet. My dreams. Make my own plans.

Be me. Stop the cycle. Stop hurting. 

Just still sorry. Still need to work on all of this. Need to stop the guilt of our falling out. I did say mean things but I was frustrated with the whole thing. You were never a waste of time.

I treasure the time we had together. Those are sometimes the best memories.  I dream about our little friendship. I remember how I felt when you said I like you. It made me very happy. I felt like I could fly.

I’m alright tho. In time, memories will fade. And new ones will take their place.

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Just random thoughts.

I feel like my life is spiraling. Never stopping. Never ending, constant spinning. I am in a never ending loop. I know I did wrong. But I love him and when you love someone, you just don’t give up on them. You work it out. I am trying to fix myself and all the mistakes.

I am trying to be a better friend. I am trying not to worry about things. I am trying to ok. And just breathe, to live, to be happy. To feel real emotions. Feel real things.

The last thing. The last thing I wanted was a fight. The last thing I wanted to was to lose you again. Its never ending. But you have to understand why I felt upset. Why I felt hurt.

You will always be my friend in my heart. I I know you don’t care or at least pretend not to. Well I love you. As a friend forever. I hope you find your peace.