Sorry about her

I just can’t believe my friend would tell my sister well half sister about things that happened between me and my friend who died ( his girlfriend at the time of these things going on). Yes I feel bad about the things I did and the things I said.

But I didn’t push her off that ledge. She knew she could get help. That she could just ignore me. Because I knew she knew that I has jealous and angry. And just very very messed up on drugs and alcohol. 

It wasn’t my fault. And your just using me to try to make sense of why she did it. And so you have someone and something to blame for it. So you don’t have to blame her for it. So you don’t have to deal with that the fact she was being selfish and reckless. And just stupid.

I will always be your scapegoat for happened to her. Because of what I confessed to you.

But we both know I wasn’t the trigger who pushed her towards the final abyss. She just didn’t care anymore. My words probably did hurt. Not denying that at all. But she knew where my head was. And she knew that I didn’t mean anything by it. That wasn’t the first time I said that stuff to her in a drunken state of mind fueled by anger.

I’m sorry you still miss her. I miss her too. We both loved her.   But you can’t save everyone.

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