No one knows the pain of self sabotage. I do it to myself. All the time.
I just feel happy then I ruin it. There is no longer a grey area. Its just all black and white. It doesn’t matter what I do.
I ruin everything. I lose people like normal people lose socks. I damage all relationships. I don’t deserve them.
I don’t deserve to have a boyfriend and/or friends. I wreck my own happiness. I wreck people.
I am to much for anyone. Sorry guys.
It sucks loving someone you can’t have. It breaks you a little inside knowing you can’t have them. And then you don’t know what to do. And they try to insure you that the feelings you feel deeply in your soul will just go away.
But they won’t. We just learn to bury them and act like it doesn’t hurt when they are so happy with someone. Like it doesn’t hurt when they have moved on and you can’t seem to stop thinking about them. Thinking about how things could have been.
It makes you feel so bad. Like why wasn’t I good enough for you? Why can’t you love me?
I would change everything for you. I would do anything for you. I would always be there for you. I would never let you down again. I don’t want to fight anymore with you. I am sorry. I would quit smoking for you.