Almost died. 

I got into a fight with someone and I did the worst possible thing I could do. I decided to do drugs again after being clean for awhile. And I accidentally overdosed. I almost died from it and I happy I didn’t. And that is why I have been gone for a while. I’m sorry to anyone I hurt by doing it. But I just don’t know how else to cope with these huge amounts of bad feelings. Like if we fight you will just be angry amd maybe afterwards feel guilty. What I feel is anger, guilt, shame, rejection and feeling I am losing control. And I just am sorry. 
I can’t control myself. I try to. I try to tunr off that part of my brain. I try to just deal with it. But nothing helps. I want to get better and have a better life. More normal stable life. I want to have good relationships. Friends. A good job. I do seriously want that. Everyone does.  Well at least I hope so.