It doesn’t end

I’m sorry I can not keep up this facade that I am ok. Even at my happiest, I feel like I’m drowning. But I keep this happy face on for you. For everything. I want to feel it. I want it to be real. I am feel like I’m faking it till I make it. But I feel like I am never going to make. 

It just never ends. Just constantly feel like I am drowning. Like I should just let it all go. Give into the darkness. Just close my eyes and fall into a gentle sleep. 

I never thought it would ever come to this. This is why I don’t want you to see me because you would how much I was lying to you. 

No matter how hard I try. The memories are too much. It seems everything triggers some horrible memory. I am sorry. 

I love you.   I know what to do.