Getting things out

How can I miss you? Why I guess is a better question. I am truly happy with my life right now. I love my boyfriend. I love the path I am on. I am honestly in the best place then I have been in years.

But there is still this weird piece of me that’s not whole. That doesn’t feel right. I don’t know if it’s because of you. Or because of everyone I have lost over the years. Maybe it just me coming to terms of what a horrible person I have been to everyone. Whatever the reasoning is. I hate it.

And it scares me. It like a tiny darkness that I can’t get rid of. Its the piece of me I can’t fill in.

Why do I do this to myself? I know things are probably meant to be this way. I think.  Maybe. I am not sure. Fuck for all I know you are dead. Also sidenote I was misspelled dead and it autocorrected to free which for you those two are pretty similar. Especially in your vocab the last couple of times we talked.

Before you stoped. And I cut out. I still am sorry for that. I just don’t know how to function around you anymore. It all got weird. We got all weird.

Our friendship got weird. It got all tangled with things that it shouldn’t have. My feelings were real and I know your feelings were too so I guess in the end that is all that matters.

 

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