Can’t do it 

I am sorry I have just been trying to fox everything again. I don’t know what to do anymore. Nothing is helping. I am ready to give in. I am just not sure anymore. I don’t even want to write on this anymore. I don’t see the point. 

I’m sorry. I am just too tired anymore. 

Alex

I think it just upsets me that he can’t be grateful for what I did. He almost killed himself but I talked him out of it. And I think it is funny how when we were talking one day he would be like omg I love you and wanna have sex with you and then a few days later say shit like you are just like my ex boyfriend and you are just so abusive and shit. 

Which isn’t the truth fucking truth. But then after that he would once say how much he wants to have sex. But I am the one with the problems. 

After all the stuff that I helped him tho. The last month or so. 

So you know what fuck him. I can’t ever make him happy with anything. 

I loved him. And I am one of the reason he didn’t slit his neck. And he said after he got he didn’t want to date anyone. But oh my god all of the sudden he has a new boyfriend. Like what the fuck. And it will end terribly like it does and he will be mopey again and be my “friend” again. 

I just can’t believe what he says anymore. But its whatever. 

Not deleting 

Yeah I am not deleting anything just because you asked. I put me into these blogs. I put how I feel into these. Because I don’t have any other way to fully vent these crazy things that go on. I talk to a theapist but I stop don’t tell her everything. Because I know where that will put me. And I don’t wanna go there. 

So please stop asking me to remove shit because I am not. So just leave me alone. I am done with it. This is mine. And I don’t care what you say. You can’t stop me from writing on here. 

So Just leave me alone. If you don’t like what I write then don’t read it. 

What to fight for?

I realized that me not being to connect to people is why I never will get better. I don’t know to. It just the constant feeling of being alone. And feeling like I can’t trust anyone. Because a lot of people just leave for really no reason. Or they break the trust I had in them. I want to get better but then the other half that just doesn’t care any more. Because I already lost everything that had meaning. To me. And there just no point anymore. I can’t live with the guilt and I can’t live being so lonely.  Maybe I just should call it quite

I just will never be a normal person again and I can’t have any type of realtionship with anyone. And so tired of feeling disconnected. What is the point of fighting when you have nothing to fight for? 

Everything went really good. I know I said it would be a long post today but I am not feeling it today. Maybe tomorrow I will. I just really tired emotionally. I got stuff I need to think about.