Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile. Been a lot happening in my life the last couple of weeks. Finally got everything done in the house!
I found an amazing doctor here too! And things are going very well right. I feel like my life is on the path where it needs to be.
I haven’t drunk any alcohol in a long time now and I also haven’t done any drugs. I am super proud of that fact
Oh and I started going to school! I never thought I would get to this place in my life.
And I finally decided to go by Karter and that I will use female pronouns.
I started therapy with a new therapist. He seems like an asshole. Or maybe he is that to me. I don’t know.
But he diagnosed me with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Doesn’t surprise me. Especially since I have been diagnosed with bulimia with anorexia tendencies.
From what I read about, that those seem to go hand in hand.
He also changed some things. Like now I have really bad social anxiety. And that I don’t like to talk because I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from an abusive relationship. And that I have mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. And I have depression.
Which I could have told all of that. But now I am not sure what to think.
I knew that my stomach problems was going to come out as something bad but I never thought about in terms of my lifestyle.
With this diagnose, I have to change my whole lifestyle. Be careful of what I eat. When I eat. And how much I eat. I always have to make sure, I need get enough calories so I don’t starve. I can’t have any of my comfort foods. Like cookies, and sweets. I can’t eat anything unless its basically liquid and/or will not take long to digest.
This really hit me hard. I am still really upset about it. I know I shouldn’t be upset by it because there people out there who have it worse then I do. But at the same time, it is hard. And then you are around people who don’t understand.
I really wish I knew what I know now about bulimia. Because maybe somehow I could have avoided this. And avoided ruining the rest of my life. There is no cure for the damage that is done. There is no getting better from this. Its pills every 6 hours and being super careful of what you are eating. And dealing with the consequences of eating something bad.
The stomach pain, the constant nausea,just the general over all feeling of being sick. And you always run the risk of getting way sicker if the food sits in there for awhile.
It is a never ending cycle. And it sucks. I just hope if someone has bulimia, they get help before it is too late. And before there is permanent damage to their bodies.