Fuck everyone that I ever thought was my friend. I don’t fucking care anymore. I done playing games with you. So fuck you.

Just fuck everyone. I am already shut in and thanks to you now it just going to be worse. Because you were my only reason to really go out and whatever. I don’t care.

Just fuck everyone. Just whatever. I can’t take anymore rejection and pain. I am done being hurt by everyone.





so I heard today that a some what friend dissappered and our friend can’t find her. I’m a little upset about this for many reasons.

1. She has fallen off the wagon and starting drinking again. 

2. She been having a hard dealing with all the pressure that has been put on her.

3. Her only supportive family member is in prison for awhile.

4. She has bipolar and I know she hasn’t been taking her meds. 

I think I’m upset at myself, her, our friend she was staying with and at her boyfriend. I don’t get to talk to her that much so I only know what she kinda tells me and what I hear from other people. But those two talk to her a lot and I just can’t believe they didn’t catch on how I guess bad she was getting.  

And I think I’m kinda scared for her because I know when she drinks, she drinks to pass out. These whole thing is messed up. But she is an adult and it’s her choice and we can’t stop her from doing it really. 

Sorry I just needed to vent. Pray for her. 

Today and forever

The hardest part of my day so far has been to tell my best friend that I can’t be her anymore just due to the fact that she is with someone I like. And it is not because I hate her or anything like that. I am doing damage control before it happens. Before that monster inside my head finds a way to pick lock its way out of his cage again and ruins everything…again. It’s not easy to make that call and just stop being friends with someone who has been there thru all your craziness and still accept you for who you are. My anger gets bad when I see my friends happy with someone else and I don’t know why this but I end up ruining a lot of peoples relationship either with me or them as couple. And knowing this, I think just being friends with both of them right now would not be a good choice.