More secrets. More lies. 

So my friend who has a thing for minors had sex with someone underage I guess and its probably not true but still. 

Her real name is Marie not Sophia. Even tho she only wanted people to call her Sophia.

She has naturally dark hair not blonde. 

He didn’t love me, he just didn’t want me to die. Even tho he did. So I don’t know how well that worked out. 

She wasn’t just addicted to drinking. She also was addicted to pills. 

A friend lied about his death and changed his name to runaway from the past and also to hide it. 

My friend had a really shitty ex who did super bad things that I’m not going to say. 

My mom is a horrible alcoholic who is not really getting better but we aren’t suppose to talk about. And just act like everything is normal. 

Now for my own. Its only fair. 

I didn’t really him. I just wanted someone to be close to me so I lied to him or maybe I did at some point and it just got lost. I don’t know 

I know how she really died but I can’t tell. I guess that is one thing I will take to my grave. 

I can’t feel enjoyment or pleasure because how bad my depression got. It drives me insane.  

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Nowhere

What do you do when you have no where to hide? When the silence becomes overwhelming? Where do you go when the demons inside threatens to consume you? 

When you have nowhere to else to go. When the safely of the music goes away and you have to face the true raw feelings. The moments when you feel your heart beating. Slower. And slower. Trying to match your breathing. 

As you are trying to drown out the overwhelming thoughts. And trying to damper the silence. As your thoughts go colliding into another and creating news ones. Ones that just rumble and fumble. Thoughts that have no clear beginning or end. 

Making that choice of staying awake or falling asleep. Wondering which is worse. Thinking your thoughts or dreaming about them.  Seeing the memories in your sleep or seeing them in your daydreams.  

To drown out the silence or embrace it. Embrace the silence that makes you feel scared. And makes you feel what you don’t want to. Or run and hide inside the noise.