I feel like I’m over worrying about people. I don’t know why I am so attached to them but I am.
And then my mom got really sick and of course the other half that helped make me was there. And I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me. Mostly because I’m not what he wanted me to be and I’m not who he wanted as a child. In his eyes I am a failure. I am nothing.
And I just have to remember that his thoughts don’t have to affect me. His words of hate don’t have to affect me. I can chose to ignore his hate. I can chose how it will impact my life. Those are not his choices but mine.
I just am really tired lately from worry and just stress. And it being winter doesn’t help.
So my friend who has a thing for minors had sex with someone underage I guess and its probably not true but still.
Her real name is Marie not Sophia. Even tho she only wanted people to call her Sophia.
She has naturally dark hair not blonde.
He didn’t love me, he just didn’t want me to die. Even tho he did. So I don’t know how well that worked out.
She wasn’t just addicted to drinking. She also was addicted to pills.
A friend lied about his death and changed his name to runaway from the past and also to hide it.
My friend had a really shitty ex who did super bad things that I’m not going to say.
My mom is a horrible alcoholic who is not really getting better but we aren’t suppose to talk about. And just act like everything is normal.
Now for my own. Its only fair.
I didn’t really him. I just wanted someone to be close to me so I lied to him or maybe I did at some point and it just got lost. I don’t know
I know how she really died but I can’t tell. I guess that is one thing I will take to my grave.
I can’t feel enjoyment or pleasure because how bad my depression got. It drives me insane.
Why have these emotions? These uncomfortable ones. The ones that make you feel like you are worth less and stupid. And a horrible person.
I want to drown them all. But then I would be quiter. I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to give up on this.
But I still want to drown them. I don’t know. I know I wouldn’t. I am a kinda better person now. But still.
I have some more secerts to let go of and I will write a post later with those. I just need to let them all out. I think its time. I hope it’s time. I know I will get hated for it. But I don’t care.
I’m tired of being the secret keeper.
I can’t be anymore.
So sorry to everyone I might let down.
Sorry to the people I will hurt.
Sorry to everyone.
I can’t be this anymore
I need to let them go.