Doing good.

Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile. Been a lot happening in my life the last couple of weeks. Finally got everything done in the house!

I found an amazing doctor here too! And things are going very well right. I feel like my life is on the path where it needs to be.

I haven’t drunk any alcohol in a long time now and I also haven’t done any drugs. I am super proud of that fact

Oh and I started going to school! I never thought I would get to this place in my life.

 

And I finally decided to go by Karter and that I will use female pronouns.

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Family

I have never been as happy as I am now. Me and my mom have finally started making a relationship. A good relationship. She has been supportive about all that is going on. And I am also respecting that it is going to take a while for her to get use to me being a female now.  But I am happy she is trying. I also meet her new boyfriend. Who is a super sweet guy. And I am happy that she is finally happy. 

I hope so ready to see where our relationship is going in the future. I see nothing but positivity ahead for us. 

So once again thank you mom. I am happy you are trying to be a positive force in my life. And that we are trying to fix our broken relationship. So thank you and I love you. 

New hopeĀ 

I finally found the happiness I needed in my life. I found it by weeding out the negative people in my life and replacing them with positive people and people that will support me. And I started going to therapy and doing meeting for my addictions. And I’m also working on my relationships with my mom and dad. My dad will not accept me as me but my mom is trying to accept and learn about my life.  I confessed everything to her. 
That was the hardest I ever did. But that proved me how much she loves me. And how she cares for me.  I was so wrong about her for so long. And her saying she was sorry was the greatest thing I ever heard. 
I feel happy again. I feel like I’m becoming whole again. Like there isn’t two of me anymore. And I want just want to say thank you to everyone. 

Feelings

The one thing I hate is feeling vulnerable. It is one of the scariest feeling ever.  

My CBT does that on purpose to help with the complusions and to show to me that it is ok to be that way. And it also shows me how to deal with the anxiety and to deal with it. Also sort of learn to be comfortable with it and just push thru it because it will come down. 

Doing this type of therapy has shown me a lot and so far has taught me a lot . It is showing me new ways to cope with my anxiety and to have a normal like life. But it also is so easy to slip back into old habits. But I hope with these new skills, it will be easier to manage. 

I really hope I can get over hating the feeling of being vulnerable and just learn to be open with people. And maybe eventually learning to trust people again but now I will just focus on one thing at a time. 


Take my time learning new ways to live a healthier life and for ways to start loving myself.