I feel like I’m over worrying about people. I don’t know why I am so attached to them but I am.
And then my mom got really sick and of course the other half that helped make me was there. And I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me. Mostly because I’m not what he wanted me to be and I’m not who he wanted as a child. In his eyes I am a failure. I am nothing.
And I just have to remember that his thoughts don’t have to affect me. His words of hate don’t have to affect me. I can chose to ignore his hate. I can chose how it will impact my life. Those are not his choices but mine.
I just am really tired lately from worry and just stress. And it being winter doesn’t help.
The one thing I hate is feeling vulnerable. It is one of the scariest feeling ever.
My CBT does that on purpose to help with the complusions and to show to me that it is ok to be that way. And it also shows me how to deal with the anxiety and to deal with it. Also sort of learn to be comfortable with it and just push thru it because it will come down.
Doing this type of therapy has shown me a lot and so far has taught me a lot . It is showing me new ways to cope with my anxiety and to have a normal like life. But it also is so easy to slip back into old habits. But I hope with these new skills, it will be easier to manage.
I really hope I can get over hating the feeling of being vulnerable and just learn to be open with people. And maybe eventually learning to trust people again but now I will just focus on one thing at a time.
Take my time learning new ways to live a healthier life and for ways to start loving myself.